CHUCK NORRIS

‎1. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
2. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
3. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
4. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
5. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
6. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
7. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
8. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
9. When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
10. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
11. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the jaw. Now we have the giraffe.
12. Chuck norris can count to infinite twice.
13. Chuck norris made an onion cry.
14. Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck norris can swim on land.
15. Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
16. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
17. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
18. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
19. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
20. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.